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Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Woody Paige-isms

Woody Paige is a former sportswriter, who, as part of the sports talk show “Around the Horn” would have a blackboard hanging behind him with a phrase that changed 2 to 4 times per program.  Here is some of those phrases.
I don’t live in fantasy; I only work there.
If silence is a weapon, I’m defenseless.
Madness takes its toll; please have exact change.
Dorothy go lost in Oz because three men were giving her directions.
Relish today.  Ketchup tomorrow.
Money can’t buy everything, but then again, neither can no money.
Also, too, never, ever, use repetitive redundencies.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but I never got around to it.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Imagine a world without hypothetical situations.
If a parsley farmer gets sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
If ignorance is bliss, why is ___________ so sad?
Don’t hate yourself in the morning; sleep until Noon.
He who throws dirt loses ground.
I think that will take much longer than I think it will.
This is not an optical illusion; it only looks like one.
Research is what I’m doing when I don’t know what I’m doing.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.
I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a word I say.
A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
Bears without ears is “B”
Coaches are fired every year for health reasons; people are sick and tired of them.
The older I get, the better I was.

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