Another segment of my quotation collection

I have said before, I decided to collect quotations because it didn't cost anything monetarily to do so.  This segment shows that I have watched a lot of financial news, international news, and sports.  Some is humorous, some profound, some ironic, some ridiculous.  I do not claim to agree with all the sentiments expressed, but I found them all, in some way, entertaining.

----------------------------------------------

Q: Why is the San Francisco Giants' ballpark the coldest in the major leagues?

A: There's a Giant fan in every seat.

Q: What did the one flag say to the other?

A: Nothing—it just waved.

Natural beauty is nature's way of showing the that the other person doesn't have too many intestinal parasites.

--Ben Bernanke

We are all fans of humans.

--Jayson Stark, 7/30/2013

Don't forget the Rachael Maddow motto: When in doubt, chicken out.

--Rachael Maddow, 2/12/2014

I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies, but not the madness of people.

--Isaac Newton

All alliteration always annoying.

--John Anderson, ESPN

Wolves do not fret over the opinions of sheep.

--basketball coach Greg Marshall (a misquote of a classical phrase)

It's the Westminster Dog Show for the NFL.

--Mike Golic (describing the NFL combine and pro days)

It's what you say, it's how you say it, it's how much you say it, it's how loud you say it.

--Frank Sesno, former news reporter, now George Washington U. Media prof on reporting vs. Over-reporting a story, in the context of the MH370 disappearance

It's God's job to judge, the Spirit's job to convict, and our jjob to love. And we dare not mix those up.

--Billy Graham

When actions don't match the words—that's Journalism 101.

--Sal Paolantonio

Ideas matter...Passion matters.

--Steve Ballmer, former Microsoft CEO.

Cereal Christians: flakes, fruits, and nuts.

I love debating. I either prove how smart I am, or I learn something.

--attributed to Max Kellerman (somehow, I think someone said it before)

Going out to hear live music brings everyone back to life.

--Jeff Kashiwa, jazz musician

When there is an illusion of purity, the situation is ripe for corruption, as the illusion of purity inhibits investigation.... The illusion not only hides corruption, but makes it possible.

--from an episode of “Freakonomics” on corruption in Sumo wrestling (which is inextricably tied to Shinto)

The word “gospel” in the Bible is, literally, “good news”. In the Roman Empire at that time, it meant “there is a new emperor”, and, corrolarily, “there will be justice”. The good news of Jesus is, therefore, bad news to the gods of money, power, sex, and war.

Frank Viola, http://ptmin.podbean.com/2014/01/27/the-gospel-of-the-kingdom/ about 85 minutes into the speech

According to CNBC, reported on 3/14/2014:

The average car loan in Q4 of 2013 was over $27,000. 19% of the loans were 72-84 months in term. The average trade period on cars is 3 1/2 years. At that point, many cars will still be under water (amount owed is greater than their value). Therefore, there will be a car reposession crisis somewhere in 2017 to 2019.

...I'm still trying to figure out how to articulate my thoughts well.

--author Rachael Held Evans

Where there are the most doctors, there are the most sick people, but that does not prove that doctors are unproductive.

--Larry Summers

After seeing the FedEx commercial, I've got a new title too: Drive to the FedEx Drop Off Center Person. Also, like the “my own boss” in the commercial, I can't give myself a raise, either.

From CNBC:

Q: This state is a) home to the world's largest catcus plantation, b) home to the world's largest shrimp (in a museum), and c) the last state to register a Tesla. Who is it?

A: Mississippi

I always tell believers that if they are not getting on each others' nerves and offending one another, then they are not yet close enough to one another! Love and forgiveness will need to be applied constantly. It will get very bloody at times, but if you go to the cross and let your own desires and agendas die, then his life will begin to be displayed. . . So what does it look like? At times it will look like an awful mess! At other times, it will look an awful lot like Jesus Christ Himself! But I will tell you that there is nothing else on this planet that even comes close to beholding Christ through the members of his Body!

--Lindy Combs, partially quoting Milt Rodriguez

DISCLAIMER: None of these statements have been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. Further, the Wyoming State Bar does not certify an attorney as a specialist or expert. Professional driver on closed course. Prices may vary in Hawaii, Alaska, Puerto Rico, and Times Square. Women and children should not touch area where product is applied. Your results may vary. Past performance is no guarantee of future results. Trademarks used with permission. The descriptions, remarks, and commentary in this broadcast may not be rebroadcast, retransmitted, or disseminated with the express written permission of (name of home team) and Major League Baseball. Burger weight is prior to cooking. Dramatization. Do not attempt. For some persons, use of this product can cause acne, irritation, redness, depression, suicidal thoughts and death—consult your physician if you encounter these symptoms. If you have died, you may be eligible to a monetary reward. May not be available in all locations or situations. Actor portrayal. Tell your doctor about other medicines you take. The Pivot Trim is designed to cut grass, not wood or metal.

Lines of humor, oddity, and profundity

I have indicated that I have little money.  A few years ago, I heard that it was healthy to have a collection.  I decided to collect humorous phrases, but have to say that I also throw in some phrases that are just odd, or profound.  I keep writing them down and having them on a bunch of scrap papers.  Once in a while I post them to both share and organize them.

---

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last! As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!" "Don't worry," said the auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"

Posted by John Jaeger

Taking an 8 year old to a comedy club is like taking a blind friend to the Grand Canyon. He doesn't get it and everyone else feels uncomfortable. --comedian Dan Cummins

I have a book in the works: “Tolerating Insufferable Egomaniac Authors”.

--Chicago sports talk guy Tom Waddle, appearing on a tv

program with two others who just had books released

If ifs ands and buts were candy and nuts, then everyday would be Christmas.

--Sen. John Boehner

If you can't trust yourself to edit yourself, don't get on Twitter.

--political reporter Ramesh Ponnaru

Seduction, in sports, is spelled with an S with two lines through it.

--Kevin Blackistone

Q: Who is Robert James Ritchie?

A: stage name Kid Rock

The more I practice, the luckier I get. --Arnold Palmer

...there's more bluffing and lying going on here than a Pinocchio convention.

--tv poker commentator

I don't give my husband advice because he doesn't need it.

--Pat Nixon

The opposite of bravery is not cowardice, but conformity.

--Robert Anthony

1^st person: In my humble opinion, (fill in this blank with anything).

2^nd person: I would say, “in my humble opinion,” but that would be a boast.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies. --Groucho Marx

If you ain't losin' friends, you ain't growin' up. --Snoop Dogg

There's no better medicine than the next deal.

--collectable auto auctioneer Dana Mecum

Consider the possibilities and weigh them by the probabilities.

--Thomas Peterffy, founder of Interactive Brokers

The person who said, “If you love something, set it free” probably wasn't talking about dollars.

--from an eSurance commercial

If you look annoyed, people always think that you're busy.

--a line of George Costanza character in Seinfeld

Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. The more I perspire, the more of a genius I become.

--First half, unknown; second half, Dick Vitale

“Normal” is a word boring people use to make interesting people feel less special.

--a line from commercial for TV program “Rake”

When the stewardess says, “Fasten your seat belt,” she did not say, “Don your parachutes and assemble by the door.”

Beware of manipulating your givers through “emotional pornography”.

What's the point of talking, if you don't have something important to say?

--”Knight Rider” the car, in a commercial

I hat it when people think that, by raising their voice, they win the argument.

--Mike Greenberg

Thanksgiving with my family—it's popping Xanax like you're Orville Redenbacher.

--what's unreal about this statement is that this was said

to me by a person buying something I had on craigslist

The Wyoming State Bar does not certify any lawyer as a specialist or expert.

--from the fine print in a lawyer's commercial

Therefore, does that mean, to be an expert in Wyoming, don't be a lawyer?

Is there anything you have heard reported today that you believe to be incorrect?

--Rachael Maddow, 5/20/2013, to a number of persons interviewed about tornado in Moore, OK

Character: the power to refrain from doing what one might legally do.

Go make some great memories today.

--CNN's Crist Paul, sign off phrase

If you write something, and it doesn't move you, then throw it in the trash. It's not going to move anyone else.

--Brennan Manning

Too often other are helped by our gifts, but hindered by what we are.

--Watchman Nee, “What Shall This Man Do?”, p. 162

If people trust us, there is no need to explain; if people do not trust us, there is no use in explaining.

--Watchman Nee

Jesus did not give us a system to manage, but a Spirit to follow.

--someone in Australia